My first encounter with bulimia was in college. Growing up with a mom who could make herself vomit, it came naturally for me. I also had positive testimonials from girlfriends about the results of "forced food." I remember consuming pints of ice cream, throwing it up, and eating more. I would go out to dinner with friends and excuse myself to the bathroom. I would vomit two or three times a day to control my weight and still be able "to eat." After about three months of this cycle, my throat started hurting and my breath was awful. I decided that this was not for me....so I started to starve myself.
Starving was no better than vomiting. My metabolism was going crazy. I couldn't loose weight and I was becoming desperate so I stopped eating. I would live off lettuce and saltine crackers. Talk about moody. It started to effect my thinking abilities in school, my social life, and my relationship with my friends. There had to be a better way.
Low and behold, it was called proper nutrition and exercise but not exercise compulsion. I analyzed what I was eating, how much I was eating, and at what times I was eating. Calorie counted. I picked up walking around Charleston's downtown area and then running. I used to run every night and some mornings. I think I was running away from me. If I didn't run, I would start to obsess about gaining weight. If I couldn't run, I was doing jumping jacks, crunches and running on the spot in my dorm room. Again not healthy.....
I finally found a balance. I joined a gym. I met the most wonderful people at Sweat's Gym. The owner took me under her wing and helped me through my disorder. She will never know how much I appreciate her helping me through the darkness.
I still battle exercise compulsion. I have to tell myself that the fat didn't happen over night and missing a day in the gym isn't going to hurt me. I have to force myself to take a day or I could exercise everyday, 2 to 3 hours a day. It drives my husband nuts!
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