Self Esteem

I preach about the importance of maintaining a positive body image and high self esteem.  In reality, I have the worst body image and self esteem of anyone I know.  It drives my husband NUTS. I feel very insecure standing around the pool in my bathing suit.  I cannot walk in front of the mirror naked.  I judge myself by the other women in the gym.  I do not like my body.  I work hard at my body but I do not like my body.  I have had this bad body image since high school but I think the real insecurities started in college.

I was dating this boy who I thought was the love of my life.  I followed him from high school to college.  I just knew he was the ONE.  Well, in college, I gained that freshman 15.  I experiemented with way too much midnight snacking and not enough exercise.  This boy started to notice the weight gain and suggested that I start to exercise and cut back on my eating.  I thought he was concerned for me but I was wrong.  He just didn't want a fat girlfriend.  He started calling me names, making fat jokes, and offering suggestions on my food choices.  It started to really mess with my head.  I think what really pushed me over the edge was when he told me to turn off the lights because he couldn't look at the jiggle. 

I stayed with him for way too long because I thought that no one else was ever going to like me.  WRONG....WRONG....WRONG.  I tried to change for him but I resented him so my changes were never permanent.  When I started to change for myself, good things started to happen to my body.  Of course we broke up and I did date other guys but the poor body image and low self esteem hung around me like a noose.

I have come along way baby but I still lack confidence.  I can FAKE it like no other.  My lack of confidence makes me stand higher on my soap box and preach about loving your body.  I do not want anyone to feel like I do about my body especially my children and the young females growing in a society of Perfect Bodies. 

Your body is a wonderful thing.  Think about all that it can do!  Love it, Embrace it, and Enjoy it!